


Hymn For The Restless

by devastating



Series: Spooky FE3H [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: A study on grief and moving, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Felix Hugo Fraldarius is Bad at Feelings, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Read tags carefully, Slight horror/ psychological horror, Sylvain Jose Gautier Needs A Hug, This was suppose to be a joke and now I’m invested, ghost Au baby!, like it gets bad at times, read authors note for more tags, we dealing with ghost stuff after all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24487099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devastating/pseuds/devastating
Summary: Sylvain breaks a promise for reasons Felix will never cope with. Now Felix will have to deal with those consequences and learn how to deal with the growing pain inside him.The Ghost AU that nobody asked for and is receiving nonetheless!
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: Spooky FE3H [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924717
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	1. Knocking Walls

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so this fic started out as a dumb idea that I got that was meant to be a romcom thing and then my dumb brain wrote the beginning of it while I was having a _moment_ and so now its a sad fic that is way longer than I had ever meant for it to get if I’m being completely honest with you all. Because of that every chapter I will Put tags on the beginning of the chapters so that everyone is aware of what happens and stays safe! This does have a happy ending but it gets rough.. it get’s pretty rough...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: implied Suicide, implied drug over dose, puking

Felix was only 16 and yet he was comfortable with the idea of grieving. He had never feared deaf and from a young age he had been forced to see the effects it had on others. The effects it had on himself. He was not even an hour into being alive when his mother died and he was 14 when his brother soon followed. Death had shaped his personality and his life, had been the root for all his actions and beliefs. As horribly drastic and theatrical as it sounded, death had been part of his entire life and therefore grief was a constant. 

Yet right now he had no idea how to cope with death. He remembered when he was 14 that he had screamed and cried when he had been told that his brother had died in a car crash. He remembered the way that he had become hysterical for days and then numb for months. How the people near him had tried to help but he had just pushed them all away, claiming that he didn’t need anyone. That he was strong enough to handle grief on his own. 

He wished now that he had someone to help him with this because he didn’t know what to do next. His friends besides him were all crying, Ingrid had been hysterical for days and Dimitri could only apologize in a hundred different ways. He thought it was amusing actually, a sick twisted joke — they had all never bothered to see each other before this. Had killed off the love and connection they had with one another despite how they had grown up with each other. A sick twisted joke that the reason they were together again was for the day that their friend that had wanted them all to get back together, their friend that would have known what to do right now, was being buried 6 feet under. That Sylvain would be gone forever. 

It had been 4 days now since he had gotten the news. That his childhood best friend, the man that Felix could admit now that he was gone — was someone he had loved more than any person should ever love a friend — had died alone in his bedroom. An empty pill bottle and one single note. Felix could not remember what he did after his father told him the news, he only remembered waking up the next day and feeling like his heart had been ripped out of him. His father had tried everything to help Felix grief this properly and come to terms with what was going to happen, but after the first day Felix hadn’t even cried — couldn’t cry. Something stopped him from being able to grief, his body refusing to believe that his friend was gone. That he had been in so much pain and that Felix hadn’t seen that. Had stayed away all this time and for what? Because he couldn’t see past his own problems? Felix regretted a lot of things but even now he knew that this would forever be carved into his soul. 

The praises and stories everyone told about Sylvain felt like a knife plunged into his heart that twisted with each ‘fond’ memory of his friend. And even when Sylvain’s father, someone that had never been there for him, came to talk to him and told Felix more about Sylvain than Felix had known, all he could do was stare. Not even processing the words that came out of the margrave’s mouth; simply staring at him until the man sighed and walked away. No one could get him to talk, Felix refused to talk. The only person he wanted to talk to was currently in a coffin under shitty soil.

“The cops say that it was intentional” Dimitri whispered into the room, Ingrid, Dedue, and Felix the only ones there to hear him. “His dad is trying to say that it can’t be that, that someone had to have killed him and faked his death.” Only Dedue looked towards Dimitri, a silent shake of his head to try and tell his friend that his words will be unheard of. Unreachable to the rest of the ears in the room. No one wanted to come to terms that Sylvain had chosen to leave — no one was ready for that.

Ingrid curled in on herself, a sob shaking her entire body. Her body wished to cry more but she had run out of tears so many days ago. “We should — we should eat something, the three of us have been in this room since the funeral” she spoke as she rubbed her eyes. Desperately clinging onto her nurturing side to extinguish the pain she was feeling. 

“Yes you’re right” Dimitri whispered as he stood up and helped Ingrid stand out, turning to reach a hand out to Felix but Felix didn’t even bother to look at him. His eyes had been locked onto Sylvains bedroom door ever since he had walked into the room. “Felix?” 

He didn’t care to look at Dimitri, just standing up and walking towards the room, taking a deep breath before opening it. Letting his heart wither away at the knowledge that this was where Sylvain had died. Walking inside and letting himself fall onto his knees and letting his head rest on his old bed, curling himself inwards on it and clinging to the sheets, hoping that the closeness would make him feel something, _anything_. 

“We’ll bring you food” Dimitri whispered before Felix heard the door shut behind him. 

Felix breathed in, closing his eyes and trying to wake himself from this awful nightmare only to open them up and see that nothing had changed. A knot in his stomach growing larger and larger each time Felix looked around the empty cold room. A bone crushing realization that the last time he had even heard his friends voice was 8 months ago he called Felix on the phone and Felix had decided to hang up on him because he “didn’t have the time for him”. He would have to live with the fact that those were his last words to him. 

“Please” Felix whispered, voice hoarse from the lack of being used. Slowly looking up and closing his eyes, tears streaming down his face as a choked out sob escaped his mouth. “Bring him back. Bring him back — i promise, I promise I’ll make things better. Please, whoever you are up there, I don't care what you have to take from me, I don't care what I have to fucken do. Just — Let me talk to him one last time — Please.”

Of course his words were unanswered and all his pleading had done was make Felix realize just how crushing all of this was. No matter how many times he begged the goddess, Sylvain was gone and Felix would never get him back. He was gone and he would have to learn to live without him now. By the end of the week this room will be empty and his heart was buried 6 feet under. 

Another sob escaped him as he looked around Sylvains room. How long had it even been since he had been in here? It looked so drastically different and unfamiliar and that knowledge alone hurt Felix more than he could handle. Just how much was unfamiliar about Sylvain? Just how much did he push him away? 

Felix breathed in, shuddering with every breath he took and curled in on himself even more. “You promised — you promised you wouldn’t leave me” Felix yelled as he looked up to the empty room, screaming at a boy that had been long gone from his life. “You promised we would die together! You promised me!” 

Felix gasped as he let himself break behind this closed door. To mourn for the boy that had been there for him whenever he needed but he had not done the same. To cry and scream for a love he would never be able to confess and a broken promise that he had so foolishly thought would have been enough to keep his best friend alive. 

And he cried for hours, no one ever opened that bedroom door, no one ever came to give him dinner. When he woke up the next day it was to his fathers gentle nudging and concerned eyes. To a room full of friends and strangers that were all aware of how deeply broken Felix was now, the sight before them a simple reminder of it. Felix just shook his father’s hand away and stood up, he knew that they all had to head back to their homes. He didn’t even bother looking up at the other people as he stepped away from all of them and walked out of the house and away from where Sylvain once lived. Knowing that that week his happiness had been buried alongside a red haired boy who was loved even if he hadn’t known just how much. 

~ X ~ 

It started with random things falling in his room, at first he never paid any attention to it. Simply playing it off as his imagination or that he has simply put the item on the edge of the table…. it started getting really hard to claim that when he watched a book fly out of his bookshelf at lighting speed. Even still, he talked himself into believing that it had all just been in his head. 

After that came the lights, a constant flickering especially during the most annoying times — Times like when Felix was studying or reading. Of course he claimed that as an electrical malfunction or that he was in need of a new light bulb; switching from his bedroom light to his lamp light did not help the issue either and he was ready to say that there must be some wiring problem in his room. Sadly, that died when the kitchen lights started flickering and to top it off, both his father and Dimitri had been there so they proved that wasn’t in his head, the lights are indeed flickering. 

Next came the banging, it was _aggravating_. It started at night while they were all awkwardly eating dinner when out of nowhere they all heard knocking but after checking all the doors, they found no one there that was knocking. His father was in the middle of saying that it must be a prank from neighborhood kids as he was closing the front door when the knocking started again. 

None of them spoke for the rest of the night. 

The banging only got more frequent after that, if anything it happened so much that no one even batted an eye to it. Dimitri at times tried to talk about it but any conclusion he had about it would die with more unexplainable banging and Felix yelling at him to shut up and stop being annoying (“just be thankful you live here rent free and stop bitching about some fucken noise”). They all got so annoyed by eventually to the point that one night while the three of them were having a “family movie night” and the banging had started happening, and one childish second later, Felix was banging on the wall and yelling out to the room that “look see? Annoying isn’t it fucker?” 

The doors of the room swung wide open and Felix will never admit this out loud, but he was thankful that his father forced him and Dimitri to sleep together. The next day they all woke up and acted like nothing had happened but once they walked into the kitchen they could no longer deny the very obvious. Cabinet doors all wide open, chairs stacked in odd ways, and the lights flickering on and off. 

Their house was haunted. 

Obviously neither Rodrigue nor Felix actually voiced that conclusion out loud, both too stubborn to admit something like the supernatural was being their antagonizer. Dimitri, however, quickly voiced that opinion and went as far as to say that they probably had a very sad and lonely ghost among them based on it wanting their attention. Felix scoffed but after that day whenever something would move or lights would turn on he couldn’t stop thinking about what Dimitri had said. That was what led him to softly knock on his table one night when everything was quiet and no one was around. Immediately rolling his eyes when a soft knock replied not even a second later. He knocked on the table once more before getting back to studying — that night his lights didn’t flicker. 

Slowly Felix started putting two and two together about this ghost. For starters, it was needy, incessantly needy. If Felix didn’t knock back now, doors would start swinging open and things would be thrown across the room. And it _had_ to be Felix to knock back, the one time Dimitri tried to knock back was the first time that a book shelf was dropped. An anchored and nailed to the wall — bookshelf. Got to the point that whenever the banging got really annoying, Rodrigue would walk to Felix's room and tell him to stop being stubborn and knock back, that’s how needy this ghost _was_. 

Secondly, he was extremely moody. One minute the ghost will be okay with just having a simple knock in return and that’s it. The next minute however, he was throwing things across the room because he got bored, or at least that Felix guess. It was once again, _annoying_. By this point Felix was sure that having a ghost was more of a hindrance than an actual scary thing that was occurring in his life. 

However, Felix soon found out that ghosts were in fact, actually very scary. Specifically this ghost. 

It was just a petty argument between him and his dad, an argument they had had multiple times about Felix’s brother, Glenn. Rodrigue was talking about Glenn’s death like it was a good and positive thing, meanwhile Felix was disgusted that his father could speak highly of the incident. It was just an argument, an argument that was understandably getting a bit out of hand with the way that Rodrigue was raising his voice and Felix was growling and screaming, not even Dimitri could do anything to calm them down. But it was just an argument. So when Rodrigue suddenly stood up from his chair to yell at Felix with a tone higher than before, Felix was fully prepared and ready to rebuttal whatever bullshit came out of his mouth. The rebuttal never came. 

Next thing Felix knew, the living room window was shattered, glass everywhere, Dimitri was yelling about something but Felix’s attention was stuck on the image that he was seeing on one of the broken shards. A familiar shade of red and golden brown eyes he had never thought he would see ever again. Eyes full of anger and hatred that for a second Felix was frozen in place, having never remembered his friend having that look in his eyes ever before. 

It wasn't until Dimitri grabbed his arm and yanked him back into focus that he realized the reason he had been yelling was because shards of glass had struck his father on his arm. Even as they spent that night in the hospital room, Felix couldn’t bring himself to pretend that what he had seen was real. Forcing himself to believe that he was projecting all of this, that it wasn’t Sylvain that was haunting but instead something that had done physical damage to his own father and shattered an entire living room window. 

When Rodrigue got out of the hospital the next day he immediately told the two of them that they were going to go live in another house for the summer. Neither Dimitri or Felix argued. As much as they both wanted to spend their summer in a familiar place, they knew that after what had happened, it would probably be best to get away from the ghost and try to have a summer that was free of the paranormal. Not to mention that it was their summer before their last year of high school, the two of them would eventually be going to college so they figured it would be for the best to go to the beach before they embarked on their senior year. 

They hadn't even settled into the beach house when the knocking started. Felix remembers distinctly the way his father tensed, how he looked up and for the first time in Felix’s life, he was scared. Felix knocked back quietly and the three never talked about the fact that this ghost was attached to them and not the house. They also didn’t argue a single time while they were there. Even once summer was over and the three went back to their estate, living room window fixed, they never mentioned it. 

The three took a sort of silent oath to one another to never mention this, to never even acknowledge it while they were together. Felix would simply knock back whenever it was needed but it was done quietly and without any one even thinking about it. They also took a silent oath to keep this within themselves, even when Ingrid or Dedue would inevitably come over to their house to hang out and something weird would happen, Dimitri would just play it off as him being clumsy or saying that some stray cat must’ve gotten into the house. Felix never disproved whatever happened, quickly knocking back every time and keeping to himself. 

Soon enough, having a ghost in your house became normal to them. The ghost never injured them again, and Rodrigue was careful to never yell like he had before and Felix was more aware of not escalating fights. All they dealt with was flickering lights, knocking, and random things being moved occasionally. So slowly, they all considered all of that as nothing more but background noise. A routine that had to be done but had no importance to them. But Felix was fine with that, thought nothing more about this ghost as he finished up his final year of high school and started to get ready to head over to Garreg Mach University. 

“It’s going to be so much fun honestly” Ingrid said as she helped fold some of Felix’s clothes. “I mean it’s always been our dream to go there! GMU! The best university in all of Fodland!” 

“I am very excited about it” Dimitri chuckled, “I was nervous that I wasn’t going to get in, though. Since they’re a private school after all.” 

Felix scoffed, “as if you wouldn’t get in. Your last name alone was enough and that’s without taking count of your grades.” 

Ingrid smiled, “yeah Dimitri really has good grades doesn’t he? I’m pretty proud of him myself.” 

“That’s not what I meant,” Felix groaned as he threw more things into the boxes he would be taking with him to Garreg Mach. 

“Yes well I am still very happy that we all got in through our hard work” Dimitri smiled. “And who knows, this might be the new start we need.” 

Felix rolled his eyes at his friend's optimism before he heard a soft knock on the wall beside him. He mindlessly knocked back before reaching over to grab some things from his desk. Unaware of the frown that Ingrid was shooting his way before it turned into a sad smile. 

“That always reminds me of what we used to do when we were little,” Ingrid spoke softly as she looked down. 

“The hell are you going on about” Felix frowned. 

Ingrid looked up, surprised by Felix’s comment. Looking toward Dimitri for help but instead finding him giving her the same confused look that Felix was giving her. “Oh I just assumed that you were— never mind it’s nothing.” 

“No, what were you going to say, Ingrid?” Dimitri asked. 

“Well you know” Ingrid whispered. “How when we were little and sometimes we were split into different rooms. Usually Felix and I were together… and Dimitri and Sylvain would be in the other room… how Sylvain would go up to the wall that we shared and he would knock on it until Felix knocked back — I don't know why I thought that actually it makes no sense — I’m sorry.” 

If those words hadn’t already pierced through Felix’s heart, the knock that followed had. Before he knew it, he was running out of his room, and to the restroom in the hallway. Barely making it in time for him to puke, he could hear muffled words and someone pulling his hair back for him but that didn't stop from everything he had eaten that day to come up. A shitty coping mechanism that his body went through whenever he was overwhelmed, something he hadn't done in years and yet here he was on his knees feeling like everything was crushing him. 

“I-I’ll go get Rodrigue” Dimitri immediately spoke up as he ran out of the room, leaving Ingrid to keep holding Felix’s hair back. 

“Are you fee-“ 

“Get out” Felix breathed out, his whole body shaking violently as he tried to get the words out. “Leave me alone.” 

“Felix please I’m just-“

“GET OUT” Felix yelled as he pushed her away from him and out of the door, slamming the door on her face before he was forced to turn back to the toilet and puke once more. Letting out a choked out sob as he tried to calm down his breathing but all that did was trigger another spell for him. Then he felt a hand pull his hair out of his face and another rub his back and Felix could only sob as he curled himself into a ball. Knowing that he had locked the restroom door and that he knew who was the one comforting him right now. 

“Why” Felix breathed out. “Why are you here?” 

The hand stopped moving as Felix sobbed once more, only for it to start moving again. Warm and comforting despite how much Felix felt himself breaking with the knowledge that all this time Sylvain had been the one haunting them. That all those knocks and lights flickering was just him asking Felix to notice him. Knowledge that his friend hadn’t moved on to a better peaceful place and was instead forced to stay here as a ghost. 

_’The ghost is probably very sad and lonely.’_

Felix’s body shook as he continued crying, broken sobs and painful shivers. The hand a steady reminder of how horrible of a friend Felix had been this entire time. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” Felix sobbed. “I won’t ignore you. I’m sorry — I’m here, I’m here now. I’m sorry.” 

Fifteen minutes later when Rodrigue would finally be able to unlock the restroom door from the outside, none of them would ever speak about the condition they found Felix in. How he was shaking but no longer crying, muttering to himself while he was curled up and hugging the toilet. So fragile and pained that Rodrigue immediately got his son up and into his bed where he stayed to check on him. Ingrid walking out the door with solemn goodbyes and Dimitris quiet whispers of assurance towards Felix — words that fell on deaf ears that were too focused on waiting for an answer from a ghost that will never reach him.


	2. It’s Getting Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags for this chapter: implied suicide, puking (only for like one sentence)

“Fe I’m sorry” Sylvain whined from outside of Felix’s door. 

Felix only huffed as he curled up on his bed, bringing his knees to his chest and resting his forehead on them. Using all his strength possible to not cry anymore, to not waste his energy on someone like _Sylvain_. Big stupid Sylvain that was mean and dumb. 

“Fe please just let me in,” Sylvain said as he tried to open the door, groaning at the fact that it was still very much locked. “I’m really sorry!” 

Felix frowned, “No you’re not!” His voice came out shakier and more pained than he had meant for it to be. He was only 6 years old but he already knew the consequences of being perceived as too weak. His father had chastised him enough times about him crying for him to know that he had to stop sounding so much like a weak baby when he wasn’t one anymore. 

“Fe please. I forgot! I promise that I forgot that that was today! You know that I would’ve been here if I had remembered” Sylvain begged. 

“But you weren’t here! You broke your promise!” Felix cried out, unable to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. “You said you would come here and watch the new movie with me but instead you never came! You broke your promise Sylvie! Friends don’t break promises!” 

“I’m sorry Fe please I’m sorry” Sylvain spoke. “I’ll never break another promise ever again. I swear it Fe!” 

~ X ~ 

“That’ll be $35” the store clerk spoke as Felix handed him cash. Quietly putting in something into his register before it opened with a clink. Shoving the bills into the machine and taking out the change; waiting for the receipt to print before handing all of that back to Felix. “Have a good day.” 

“Thanks” was what Felix meant to say but it was more of an angry huff than anything. 

He grabbed onto the plastic bag that the man had given to him, finding it stupidly unnecessary since the bouquet of flowers was sticking out and practically falling off. Then again all of today had been stupidly unnecessary in Felix’s mind. He understood why his friends were treating him the way that they were, today was the anniversary of Sylvain’s death after all but that didn't mean he was forced to wake up that day to all of his friends, even the one he had just made this year in college, treating him like he was some kind of sensitive little dandelion. 

They were worried and he got that, he really did. But he was also annoyed that they kept tiptoeing around him, yeah his best friend died two years ago today. And yeah he could’ve done something to stop his friend from doing what he did. And _yeah_ he _had_ spent that morning crying in the shower and hating life itself. But that didn't mean that he had to walk down to their shared home to find everyone there with all his favorite foods and pitying smiles. 

Felix groaned as he stepped out of the flower shop, adjusting his jacket and cursing the fact that he had stormed out of his house without an actual coat. He might not live in Faerghus anymore but winter was winter and although the streets weren’t covered in snow, there were a couple of people scraping ice off their windshields. At this point however, Felix was way too stubborn to go back to his house after he had so kindly told everyone to fuck off and die (not the best word usage for today but that was something future Felix will cringe over). So yeah, he was freezing his ass off but he also had no other option so he kept walking forward towards his destination. 

It had been five months now since he had moved to Garreg Mach and it was surprisingly underwhelming. He had expected that moving to a different city and living in a house that his father did not live in (despite him paying for...) would be so much more exciting than it actually had been thus far. He had seen the movies, had seen all the ways that it was depicted in the media about how his first year of college was going to be like. Problem was, of course, that he hated parties and he hated people. His first semester was going to finish soon and he had made not a single friend in any of his classes and the few new friends that he had made had been made because of Ingrid or Dimitri. He was anti-social, hated parties, was a dick, and had a permanent bitch face on. Of course Felix’s college life was unsurprisingly boring when you look at it with that perspective. Still, it was disappointing to say the least. 

He sighed as he walked further down the hill he was on, finally being able to see his destination in the distance. This was going to be the first year he would actually be able to come here so he was understandably not looking forward to it. At the time of Sylvains death he had been told that he was going to be buried in Faerghus, it made sense after all, but after a four hour car ride and a new city coming into view, he found out he was actually going to be buried in Garreg Mach instead. It apparently had to do with something about Sylvain’s mother being buried in the cemetery here and at first Felix was furious because that meant he couldn't come visit him whenever he pleased, but now as he walked through the cemetery gates, he found this was a better option for them both. Had Sylvain been buried near his home, Felix would’ve probably never left his grave, would've died laying on the dirt that buried his friend. Plus there was something that felt _wrong_ about Sylvain being buried in Faerghus, a place that Sylvain had hated more than anywhere in his life. No, this was the best place for him. 

A frown quickly grew on his face as he walked up to Sylvain’s grave, it had only been two years since the last time he had been here and yet it was already so unkept. A part of him ached at the realization that no one had come here to keep it maintained and looking pretty. That Felix was most likely the first visitor to this place since the funeral. His jaw clenched as he kneeled down and pulled out the weeds that surrounded the grave and cleared away the dust from the gravestone, gently laying down the flowers he had gotten for him before sitting down with his legs crossed. He felt like he should be crying right now, or that he should be speaking. Probably should be doing more than just sitting and staring at a stone that had the name of his best friend carved into it. But it felt oddly fake to speak to Sylvain here when he could just do that in the solitude of his room. Odd for him to cry when he had already cried about Sylvain so many times already. It was an odd feeling to know that your best friend's body lay beneath you but his spirit was most definitely besides you. 

It still felt wrong to know that Sylvain was with him. Caused a terrible ache in Felix’s chest whenever he thought about the fact that his friend hadn't been able to pass on and was stuck haunting this world for who knows how long. Felix knew that the proper thing to do was to help Sylvain move on, to help him reach peace and tranquility and yet he didn’t even have the strength to actually acknowledge Sylvain, to call him out by his name and speak to him directly. It hurt because he knew that it must be hurting Sylvain that Felix was in a way ignoring him and only giving him small moments of attention, but the thought of sitting in his room and speaking out into nothing also hurt so much more. He wished that Sylvain could just appear before him in an actual image of what he used to look like since it would make speaking to him so much easier, but Felix also knew that if he saw that he would most likely lose the little shred of sanity he had left. 

Felix sighed as he brought his hand up to his face and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He also knew that he should talk to someone about this, about the fact that he was probably (most definitely) being haunted by his childhood best friend and that it was causing him so much pain but he was a Fraldarius — and Fraldarius men never speak about their problems.... he hated that about himself more than he would ever admit to anyone. And he could easily talk about this to Dimitri, since he had _seen_ all of the supernatural stuff that had happened. He knew Sylvain and knew about everything that they had gone through. But he was also Dimitri — Dimitri that Felix could not hold a conversation with without snapping and yelling at. Dimitri that would somehow manage to make Sylvain being a ghost his fault and apologize about it for months on end. No, Felix couldn’t rely on Dimitri because of that and couldn’t rely on anyone else because who would believe him? He sure as hell wouldn't if he was in their shoes. 

A snap of a twig snapped Felix out of his thoughts and forced him to look back to find his stupid group of friends approaching him. Felix didn't even care to hide his disgust at finding them all here as if this was a nice family picnic and not them coming here to leave flowers for someone that died before he had even reached his 20’s. 

“Why are you here?” Felix growled. 

“We have every right to be here Felix. He was our friend too” Ingrid immediately snapped back. Like him, she was also in a sour mood today. Arguably she had been coping with today better than he was but that didn’t stop her from glaring at anything that tried to pick a fight with her. 

“I meant them,” Felix added as he looked up to the rest of the group. He could admit in the back of his mind that the addition of Ashe, Mercedes, and Annette to their friend group was a good one, a blessing even! But it felt almost intrusive to have them here, as if they were mocking Sylvain, yelling “haha look we replaced you!” It didn't sit right with Felix. 

“I asked them to come here for support” Ingrid answered flatly as she sat down next to Felix and put another bouquet of flowers similar to Felix’s on Sylvains grave. Felix scoffed but relented, he didn't have the energy to have a full blown argument today, deciding to just look forward and ignore the sour taste in his mouth. 

“It has been a while since we’ve been here” Dimitri spoke as he also sat down next to Felix, placing another bouquet of flowers, one fancier than theirs. “I’m sorry we couldn’t come visit you sooner.” 

It hit Felix right there and then that he was going to be forced to hear his friends' mournful words towards Sylvain. That he would be subjected to watching people healthily cope with grief while he had spent the better part of two years puking away his grief and growing thorns on his sides. Unable to fully let go of Sylvain and learn how to live his life without the redhead. 

“We live in Garreg Mach now though, so we’ll make it a point to come here and keep you company, i know you like the company” Dimitri chuckled slightly. “You always did hate being alone. Always urging us to get together and hang out — I remember all those times you would come banging at our front doors and demanding that we all get out because there was an emergency only for you to turn around and say the emergency was that you were bored.” 

Ingrid chuckled softly but her body soon grew tense as she looked down at her hands. Dimitri looked forward but his eyes soon became glossy with tears Felix knew would never actually get the chance to fall. Dimitri was like him in that regard, never one to cry in front of people. 

“I wish we could have hung out one more time,” Dimitri whispered. “That we could've heard your laugh and voice one last time — I wish we could’ve been there for you and stopped you.” 

Felix immediately stood up and walked away, he wasn’t strong enough to hear that just yet, ignoring the concerned looks that his friends threw his way. Ignoring the tightness in his chest as he walked over to the small river area that was in this cemetery. Sitting down and bringing his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and letting his head rest on his knees. Taking a deep shuddering breath and willing the tears to go away. He had cried enough already. _He had cried enough._

“Felix?”

“Go away Annette” Felix whispered. Unable to be cruel and mean to the one person that had come the closest to becoming a best friend. Though Felix knew she would never be able to get to that point, Felix would never let her replace him like that. 

“I will” she whispered as she sat down next to him, her shoulders bumping against his. “Eventually.” 

Felix breathed out, his body shaking involuntarily. Why was it harder to keep himself from crying now that someone was next to him? If anything Felix felt like it should be easier for him to put up a front and pretend that he was okay. So why was he literally shaking as he held back tears and having a choked sob ripped out of him when Annette placed her head on his shoulder? 

“This place is really pretty,” Annette whispered. “There’s ducks and everything too, i think next time that we come here, we can bring them some food and feed them. Think that would be nice to do.” 

Felix could only clench his fists as he had to focus all of his strength on not crying in front of Annette. A part of him knew that it wasn’t a big deal to do something like that, from what the cries he could hear from Ingrid behind told him, nobody would care if he cried. They were expecting it even. But he couldn’t do that, he only let himself cry in front of one person and one person only. That person died two years ago exactly. 

“You don’t ever talk about Sylvain” Annette spoke and those words alone caused Felix to gasp for air. “Ingrid tells me that he was nice though. That he knew just what to say whenever things got rough.” 

Felix closed his eyes. 

“What was he like?” Annette asked and if Felix had his eyes open he would see the pained concerned look she was giving him. Her heart breaking at the way her friend was drifting away from them and burdening this pain by himself. How it was obvious that he was wearing himself down and refusing to call out for help. 

Felix stayed quiet, letting his silence be the answer to her question. He knew what she was doing, and if he was a better man he would humor her and talk to her about him. Let that be the catalyst for him actually speaking up about all of his traumas and regrets concerning Sylvain and the lack of him. But he wasn’t a better man, and he certainly wasn't a man that was strong enough to take that plunge. So instead, he stayed quiet until Ingrid's cries silenced. Stayed quiet until Mercedes came to get them and told them it was getting late and they should head out. Stayed quiet as they all made it back to their house and tried to act like everything was okay and back to normal. Only Ingrid's tear stained cheeks served as a reminder of what had happened the past hour. 

But this atmosphere was not what Felix needed today, just like in the graveyard, it left an awful sour taste in his mouth and so he found himself quietly walking away and up the stairs to his room. Closing the door behind him and locking it, letting his walls crash down and his feet drag him towards his bed. He was exhausted and tired and at this point he didnt care if he didn’t change before getting into bed. He could deal with his tangled hair tomorrow morning, that was a problem for future Felix. 

He groaned as he threw his shoes to the side and let himself collapse on his bed, laying face down and taking a second to consider just screaming into his pillow. That used to help him when he felt stressed when he was younger, maybe it’ll help him out now. Then again that idea sounded really stupid so maybe he shouldn’t just scream into his pillow; wouldnt want anyone to walk upstairs and hear that. They were already concerned for him, he didn't need to give them an _actual_ reason for it. 

Then there were two quiet knocks above his head making Felix sigh. The knocking had become less frequent ever since he had moved out of his dad's house. Actually, most of the ‘paranormal shit’ had become less frequent and only happened when he was alone. Felix guessed it was because Sylvain was being considerate about not scaring the living shit out of the new housemates. Goddess knows how Ashe would react to the lights flickering in the middle of the night. But that’s what he guessed at least, Sylvain had always been kind enough to let himself be pushed away if it was for the sake of others. Felix was going to sigh once again but then immediately yelled at himself mentally . This was _Sylvain_ dumbass. Sylvain that had died because you hadn’t paid enough attention to him in the first place! Stop being a dick and just knock back it’s literally the least you could do. 

With that Felix lifted his head up and started to sit up when he immediately froze in place. Eyes widening and heartbeat starting to beat faster than before. Two familiar brown eyes were staring back at him, pained and concerned but quickly turned into excitement and happiness once he realized that Felix was looking at him, not through him. A smile quickly grew on the redhead's face and Felix could not blame himself when he immediately had to run to the restroom to puke. Really at this point he might as well consider his shitty coping mechanism strictly tied to any Sylvain related instances. He was also unsurprised when he felt Sylvain’s presence behind him. 

“How” Felix groaned as he curled himself over the toilet. Taking a couple of seconds to regain his footing before reaching up and flushing away all his stress. Standing up to wash his mouth away of the bile taste and making a point to temporarily ignore Sylvain (who he could see in the reflection of his mirror) until he was spitting out his mouth wash and walking back into his bedroom. Closing his eyes and taking a moment to breathe in and breathe out as he felt his bed shift under Sylvain’s weight. 

Felix breathed out again before opening his eyes and finding that his friend was no longer there. His friend that had looked exactly the same as he had the last time he had seen him. His friend that he had mourned and cried for all this time. His friend that he loved so much that it hurt now that he was gone once again. Felix immediately sobbed before crumbling. It was an instant effect, the tears immediately streaming down his face and his body shaking violently. All Felix could do was curl himself inwards as the realization that Sylvain had been here. Sylvain had been right there in front of him and all he did was run away and puke instead of telling him that he was sorry for everything. 

Thinking that only made Felix cry even harder. Unable to do more than that as he spent what felt like hours trying not to be so hysterical but how could Felix be anything but that? How could he do anything but cry at this moment? He had spent all of today trying to stop himself from crying and now he couldn’t stop no matter how much he begged himself to. 

It was only once his entire body was sore and head dizzy that he finally managed to stop crying, the tears having been spent and the night having snuck up on him. Felix closed his eyes wishing that he could just go to sleep and have tomorrow come and put him out of the misery that had been today but his stomach ached and begged for food. When had been the last time he had eaten? Part of him hated that his body even cared to notice that it had been since yesterday that he had any food in his system. He groaned as he sat up, his head pounding and his body feeling like it was led as he walked over to his restroom to wash the tear streaks off his face and fix his hair. He didn't need anyone to know that he had just spent hours crying after all. 

He quietly made his way down the stairs and tried to sneak into the kitchen but leave it to Ashe’s careful eyes to spot him before he could enter the other room unnoticed. “Oh Felix, we ordered pizza if you want some” Ashe smiled but his eyes gave him away. They had all heard Felix crying. Felix groaned in response, not having the energy to deal with any of this, and heading off to grab some of the pizza they had apparently ordered. It was cold, gross, and greasy which really was the mood of the entire day if he was being honest with himself. 

“Felix” Ingrid spoke as she walked into the kitchen. Her voice stern and strong, she had obviously gained some kind of courage or self control in the time that Felix had slowly been breaking alone in his room. That realization alone burned Felix deep in his chest. 

“What do you want” he growled, looking up to find her eyes filled with concern. He had seen those eyes before, had been at the receiving end of them far too many times for his liking. “Actually never mind, I’m not in the mood for whatever bullshit you want to spout.” 

“Well I don’t care whether or not you’re in the mood” Ingrid spoke as she tried to block Felix’s way out of the room. “We’re talking about this Felix, about all of this.” 

“We’re not talking about any fucken thing” Felix growled as he pushed past her but Ingrid's hand immediately caught his wrist. By this point everyone was looking at them and Felix hated that this was happening. Hated that she was trying to get him to talk to him now of all times. “Fucken let go of me!” 

“No Felix. I am not going to let you do this by yourself. I am not going to lose you too” Ingrid yelled back, her hands shaking. By this point Dimitri was standing up, having taken on the ridiculous role of being the leader of the friend group for some godforsaken reason. 

“Felix we just want to be here for you, we just want to help you” Dimitri spoke as him and Dedue were now standing by the stairs entrance. Effectively blocking anyway out for Felix. 

“Um guys wait” Ashe spoke up, seeing the panicked look Felix had taken at the fact that he was cornered. That he had no way out of this conversation and although he wanted to help too, this wasn’t the way that they should be going about it. 

“I don’t need your help, I don't need any of you. I’m fine” Felix growled, yanking his hand away from Ingrid and stepping away from them all. His mind racing and his breathing coming out more unsteady than he wanted it. He was not doing this. He was not doing this not today, not right now. 

“You’re not fine Felix. None of us are fine, stop pretending that you” Ingrid’s voice cracked. 

“Ingrid I think we should give Felix some time” Mercedes' voice was sweet and calm, but there was an edge to her words. Clearly she felt the same way as Ashe, knowing that confrontation wasn't the way to get Felix to open up to them. Overwhelming him would only extend the rift between them. 

“Felix please” Ingrid begged but whatever words she meant to continue died at the lights flickering in the room. The temperature of the room suddenly dropped to the point that Felix could see the air that escaped his lips. His eyes immediately drifted to Dimitris who shared the same look as him.

Dimitri opened up his mouth to say something but suddenly the lights turned off, blanketing the room in darkness, the only light coming from the street lamps outside. Instinctively Mercedes grabbed Annette and Ashe’s hand while Ingrid got closer to Felix, the group finding safety in being together but that didn’t stop the room from feeling like it was getting colder. All of them flinching at the sound of footsteps approaching them, as if whoever was walking was coming down the stairs. Immediately Dedue grabbed Dimitri’s arm and dragged him away, putting himself as a shield for all of them. Probably the only one taking the logical route and thinking that this was an intruder than the impossible truth. 

“Guys” Annette whined, breaking the silence and causing Felix to finally snap out of the trance he was in. Stepping past Ingrid and Dedue and walking over to the wall, bringing his fist to it and knocking twice. The footsteps immediately stopped after that, a silence stretching for what felt like an eternity but must have only been a couple of seconds. Felix breathed out again before bringing his fist to the wall again and knocking harder this time. 

_“Felix.”_

His body immediately shivered. His chest clenching at the sound of Sylvain’s voice, it was his, Felix knew that it was his even if it sounded more distant. But it was his, Felix would never be able to forget that voice no matter how long it had been since he had heard it. All Felix could do was knock again, clenching his fist until it was white knuckled and looking over to the stairs, half expecting to find Sylvain standing there but all that was there was darkness. 

_“It’s cold, you must be so cold._

Felix scrunched up his eyes, forcing himself to stay calm and collected. Sylvain was talking to him. It wasn’t just knocking, it wasn't just lights flickering, he was here and talking to him. Sylvain was here. Felix breathed out before opening his eyes again, “Yeah. It’s too fucken cold honestly.” 

Sylvains laughter was so light and airy, unprotected and pure. It caused Felix’s breath to hitch as the footsteps started up again and the light flickering twice before turning back off again. 

_”Not as cold as Faerghus, it’s colder there. So much colder… too cold — It’s unbearable Fe, I hate it.”_

Sylvains broken whine broke something inside of Felix, causing him to step forward to the stairs unconsciously with his hand reaching forward. But before he could say anything else Sylvain was laughing, but it was the same laughter he had always done when he was being disingenuous, when he was hiding the pain he was feeling. 

_”It’s that cold you hate, the cold that seeps into your bones and makes your joints ache. It’s wet — you would hate it. You would hate it so much Fe.”_

“Sylvain” Felix's voice cracked, he had no idea when the tears had started rolling down his cheeks. Sylvain laughed again, it was happier again, warmer. 

_”Aw come on Fe, call me Sylvie, you always did when we were younger.”_

A sob escaped Felix’s lips, his whole body shaking and he didn’t know if it was because of the room’s temperature or because of the words that were leaving Sylvain’s lips. It hurt, it hurt that Sylvain was still so much like before. That this felt so honest and real, that those were words that Sylvain had spoken to him countless times before when they had gotten older and Felix more distant. Only now does Felix realize that those words were being begged not spoken. 

“Sylvie” Felix breathed out and instantly the room started getting warmer, the air less suffocating. Sylvains laughter slowly faded out as the lights flickered back on, by then Felix’s knees buckled forward and he let himself fall to the floor. The room was back to how it was before but the air wasn’t. How could it be? Everyone had seen what happened, had _heard_ what was said. It was only until he felt a hand on his back that he turned around to find Dimitri kneeling behind him and everyone else looking at him, shaken by what had happened but also concerned for him. 

“How long have you known it was him” Dimitri asked, unlike everyone else he wasn’t as concerned about the paranormal side of what had happened. He was concerned for his friend that had been dealing with this for goddess knows how long. 

Felix scoffed, pushing his hand away and standing up. “It doesn’t matter, just leave me alone.” He spoke as he turned and walked back up to his room. Closing the door and letting his mind wonder about what Sylvain had said to him. Letting the words replay until sleep over took him.


End file.
